Does love ever last?

I am beginning to wonder if love ever lasts?  Are we meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives?  There are a lot of people who would never question this because society places emphasis that you find that one person, your soulmate, that you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life and that's it.  It is preached in religious practices and throughout the centuries.  However, if you look at the way the world is today you find so many people breaking up or getting divorced with that "one" they were once so madly in love with. 

I feel that too often many of us try too hard to find someone to be with, we do so in the sake of just being in a relationship, to fill that void whatever it may be.  Why do so many of us settle?  Why are there so many who move so quickly with the first person they feel a connection with?

If there's one thing I have learned is that you must love yourself before you love another.  If you are not content with yourself then it makes it very difficult to be in a loving relationship that will foster and evolve into the tightest bond that could possibly last a lifetime.

I have found there are so many people who are in very unhappy relationships and continue the relationship because they are afraid of the change, afraid they will never love again.  My thoughts on this would be that there is more to life than being in a relationship.  It's a very big world, so why should we put our own plans or dreams on hold for someone who is not worth keeping in your life.  Get out and explore, meet people, gain your own perspective, stop living someone elses life and create your own.

It is true that when you get into a romantic relationship with someone you give them a piece of yourself and your heart.  For better or worse you're giving up something in hopes to gain something.  There are the lucky few I guess who do gain something out of falling in love.  For the other not-so lucky souls out there, you give all of yourself only to find that you gain nothing from this other person and there is no growth in the relationship.  You stay stuck.  The only gain you make from this is that you learn a lesson and what to watch out for in the next relationship.  So in a sense I guess you do gain the knowledge of that and how to protect yourself.

But I just often wonder if love does truly exist for a lifetime between two people or is it that they only remain together in vain?

I think what we forget is that we (humans) are animals, we have urges that we are able to better control (to some extent).  But if you look at animals in the wild, they are never with one partner.  They are constantly going from one to the next.  We are animals and I think often times we forget that those urges exist and perhaps we are not as civilized as we claim to be.  Example, look at Tiger Woods. 

I do not consider myself cynical over love because of personal experiences with it, because I did have some very good times with love and very bad times with it as well, I am just simply questioning the traditional sense of love.  What is love?  Love is many things, it cannot be boxed in.  For example, I love my friends, my family and most importantly myself and therefore I do not feel the need to have someone in my life at the moment to be my romantic partner.  I have just come across so many unhappy people who would be much happier without their spouse.  Why is that so many let fear stop them from being happy?  I just wish for more people to really think before they enter a relationship with someone and be somewhat critical because in fact this will save you a lot of heartache in the end.  Although, I do admit even with myself I understand the power of human emotion and that love is a drug that takes over you. 

But I also wish for more people to truly find themselves, have a passion in life, be allowed the right to dream and fufill them. Be aware of their own needs along with their partners (or potential partner), because if you are not well with yourself and the other is not there for you when you have been there for them, it is time to evaluate and maybe even get out.  Break the cycle of destruction, because this in turn could turn into self-destruction caused by the other person whether they intentionally do it or not.

So what is the right way of going about love?  Well, there is no definite answer I believe, it is different for each and everyone of us.  We are all different and that is what makes the world so interesting.

Tease

A tease....

That's all you are, that's all you will ever be...

The fun you must get out of getting a rise or reaction out of a person....

I refuse to be caught in the web that you are spinning

A tease not willing to please needs....

I should have listened to myself....

You are nothing, you will never be anything....

Full of air....

The hesitation in your voice over the phone, I should have hung up at that point and turned away...

A Tease.....

That's all you are, that's all you will ever be....

It must be a sad and lonely life you lead always teasing, always leading people on....

Forever falling asleep alone in your bed......

Playing these silly little games...

You must think you are so clever, so funny.....

Two can play at this game, I am not one to be played with you tease you....

Goals with people

I have decided for the next year to start surrounding myself with less difficult people.  I know that there will always be drama, there will always be stupid people, but I have decided whether it be spoken or not, that I am no longer going to be the physchologist for all the crazies out there.  I have my own issues, let me deal with my stuff. 

I am tired of being the one who people constantly cry on.  It gets fuckin exhausting.  I guess this could be a gift and curse in one.  I do care about people and I want to help, but I am no longer willing to help people who are not able to help themselves. 

I am not saying that I don't ever need to vent and get things off my chest, because we all do, we are human and shit happens.  I get angry when people have the same reoccurring problem that is fixable and they can take the small steps toward change.  We all get stuck in ruts, I know I was definitely in one for a while with my relationshi and other times in my life..  I have just faced the reality and learned that I need to start protecting my own well-being and heart. I still want to be there for people, but I am also going to be much more selective and aloof than I have been. 

Something my teacher said the other day really clicked in my head "listen and comment on the issue, but don't get involved..",  this was on a class discussion about drama in the workplace and keeping work and personal life seperate.  So, I have decided I am going to be less involved with people's problems.  I have learned about myself, that often times I get so caught up in other people's problems, they become my own and then I get stressed out.  I cannot do this, especially since I am immuno-compromised.  I have to watch out for myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Wanting to be alone...

I don't know if it's just me but do you ever run into those times when you just want to be alone and not have the noise.  Just silence and no distractions.  I am definitely in one of those quiet phases.  Sometimes being quiet and living in the slience is nice.  I love my friends and the people close in my life, but there has been so much noise recently it just feels right to be alone right now and just refocus my life and focus on ME.  I have started working out again and am doing well in school.  I have listened and dealt with enough problems, I am ready for a solution.  I have realized that this phase I am in is going to be used for healing and closure to some of the events that have scared me.  I feel like this is a good place that I am at.

I am sorry to those who are feeling ignored or neglected, it is nothing personal just something I am going through and have to go through in order to restore balance and clarity to my life.  I think not enough people take the time to step back and let go for a moment.  Just to find a moment to breath and put your life in perspective to everything that is going on.  All too often we got so caught up in the noise we forget to do this, just to step back and breath.

I have taken a step back from my social life because my father is having some health issues.  I am spending more time with him these days, because it is unstable.  After not living with my parents for the past 2 years it made me realize that they are getting older and I really don't know how much longer they will have.  I want to take the opportunity to rebuild a connection and closer relationship with them again.  My parents have always been there and supported me, it is so very important that I take the time to be with them.

What I have Learned...

it is just as hard to let go as it is to be the one let go of.  It has has been over one month since my break up with Chris and I now see even more so as time passes how I made the right choice in leaving him.  As much as it hurts being dumped (from his end) it equally sucks for the dumpee(me). 

So onto the next chapter I go.  I was watching the movie "Never Been Kissed" the other day and one of the trailers before the movie actually started there's this ad for a tv show that was on air back in 1999 can't remember the name of it, but Jennifer Love Hewitt was in it.  Anyway, to get to my point she says "you reach the moment in your life where you realize that one door of your life has completely closed and another opens to the next chapter of your life..." probably not the direct quote, but very similar....That one line made so much sense to me.  It's like the moment where you realize that one decision or choice will affect the rest of your life and what direction you head in. 

Another thing that amazes me is how much of an impact a single person can have on your entire existence, good or bad.   Some people bring out the best, while others bring out the worst.   For me the person I was in a relationship with took complete control over my emotions and thoughts.  Pulling me in every which direction and constantly living in this state of chaos because he was always in chaos.  As people we have the potential to make either a positive or negative impact to others around us, all of us as human beings hold much more power than we often realize.  There is definitely a lot to be said about the energy that we hold about ourselves or an "aura" I guess you could say. 

Life is definitely heading in a happier and calmer direction.  The choices we make impact and shape who we are and where we want to be.  Life is about choices, whether we always make the right ones is another question, but learning is something we always obtain from making choices, both good and bad.  I know for myself I never want to stop learning and growing.  So I have decided that in order to do this I must sorround myself with encouraging, positive and growing people.  I cannot and will not do stuck, I was stuck for so long and cannot do it again.  We can either choose to be stuck or to grow and evolve into the best people possible.

So as I head into this new chapter of my life I am a little nervous and excited at the same time, because with life I have learned anything can and will happen, but that is the beauty of it all.   I have many goals I wish to accomplish over the next year, I want 2010 to be my year and make my dreams come true.